The Contract

The child is alone, as they all are when they sign. Long auburn ringlets adorned with a red satin bow drape over a corduroy dress. Her face is hidden behind a puzzle book, her hands still as she reads. Sitting in this garden, it's as if she is the doll being played Tea Party with, not the human host. I make my way to the stool opposite her, thread my fingers together, and wait for her to look up from her game. She speaks, eyes not leaving her paper.

"This is a first, is it not?" I see a smile peak out of the corners of the book, yet she still doesn't move it. Her voice is playful, as a child's should be, yet menacing all the same. She's taunting me. I stay calm, nod once. She laughs. "Well, It isn't every day that a human is summoned by a demon for a contract. And yet I'm still the one waiting for you to show up,tsk tsk."

"I was watching you this whole time, young miss. I'd figure I'd let you finish your puzzle."

The book is finally slapped on the table, and her emerald eyes make contact with mine. She hides the fear ever-so-well in her face, despite her legs trembling. She takes a deep breath through her nose before she speaks again. "It's only a puzzle if it takes time to figure out, is it not?" She flips the book open to show each page and the time it took to complete, mere seconds for each. "The real puzzle is why you called me here, Mr. Demon."

"You may call me Desmond, young miss Ryndall. I'll make this simple for you." I steal her smirk and she's left with pursed  lips. "You are not one to seek revenge. You aren't empty in the mind nor the heart, you haven't suffered from any of your losses. This is rare to find in a noblewoman such as yourself, let alone a female child. Quite a delicious feast you'd make.." She tries to hide the redness in her cheeks by cradling her head in her hands, propping both elbows on the table. "Sadly, there is something missing. While your heart has never been broken, your spirit never splintered, nothing needed from a demon, that makes a one-sided contract. I'd get your soul immediately, and that would be all."

"Well that's no fun, is it?" Her eyes twinkle with a false innocence. She crosses her legs, carelessly bumping into the table, and sits up straight. "Well, what could I want from a demon? Death of a rival, torture of another demon? It's all so trivial, Desmond, dear. I can beat rivals on my own, there's nothing in my past I wish to redeem."

"Not even their death?"

She shakes her head, reaches for a hankerchief on the table, and spits in it. My eyes narrow as she reveals the imperfections on her skin, the burn scars running from her forehead to her neck. How could I have forgotten she had almost succumbed as well in that fire? She must've been saved by an angel. Or a demon. Huh..

"They were fated to die in that fire, were they not? Otherwise they would still be here. I am alive, that's all that matters. Now, f I were to sign with you, I wouldn't even have that, would I?" She closes her eyes, and stands up quickly. SNAP! The young miss starts to plummet and I run to her side immediately, catching her centimeters away from the ground. She's screaming, swearing at her foot which had apparently rolled completely underneath her ankle as she stood. Supressing tears, her eyes meet mine and a blush spreads across her cheek. "Don't touch me!" She slaps at me, how unladylike. I can't help but smirk.

"I would obey if we had a contract, young miss."  I scrutinize her swollen ankle ,how fragile she is; To think that a girl with such iron emotions could succumb to physical harm so easily.. that's it exactly. "For such a frail, malnourished child, you have the strongest emotional tolerance.. Perhaps it's all a facade?" Her eyes narrow at me, and I elaborate further with a straight face.  "Even the most brittle of glass can still be painted the colour of steel." She grips at my arm, but doesn't move. She's suspended in thought, trying to turn it around to favour her own self. Finally she speaks with an arrogant tone.

"Fine then. Show me that I'm truly capable of emotional weakness. Love, Fear, Hatred,Regret, the whole nine yards. If you succeed, my soul is yours to take."

"And if not?"

"We go about our days as if we never met. The contract will nullify after a certain time."

I contemplate her proposal. Such a soul as hers could be tainted if she was vulnerable, couldn't it?
And yet, this is quite an interesting challenge she holds me to.. If I were to start turning her soul bitter from emotions, I could simply stop with only one and wait out the rest of the time, thus our contract would nullify. "Will six months suffice, young miss?"She merely nods, then looks back at her ankle, wincing as she tries to move it. With a grin only suitable for a demon, I reach for it and push the bone back in place, receiving a bittersweet yelp from my new master. In the matter of seconds her ankle is healed and sealed with the mark of a pentacle, as is my right hand. She looks down with amazement, then her eyes meet mine. Again I see no fear, no emotional strain, only physical. Her eyes almost burn through my own crimson, making me, dare I say it, a bit uneasy. Removing my hand and standing up, I bow slightly to my new mistress. "And so it is done, My Young Miss. I will have all preparations seen to, so that we may return home safely. We can work out the kinks as we go along, shall we?"

And then I am Gone.

Author's comments: I've been attached to the show Kuroshitsuji(Black Butler) for quite some time, and just the other day as I was watching the second season, the thought came about- What if, instead of the human calling on the Demon for a contract, instead of calling for revenge, what if a girl with no thirst for vengeance was called upon by a Demon for a contract? Thus this rough little scene which I hope to expand on, or at best try and revise.

Slap Me Sane:. Original Lyrics

.:Slap Me Sane:.
Note- the chorus changes every time, so read the entire thing to get the whole story.


When it started it was just fine,
Just a silly little girl with the world on her mind
and a heart made of fiber glass,
the longer she used it the more it would crack.

And then came along the one who could
Mend the strain,
The brainless little boy unaware of her pain
Her heart propped him up above all,
And so she would fall(so she would fall)

It wasn't the fact that his brain was blind,
couldn't comprehend everything he could see.
It was the fact that the girl had made up her mind
That only he could set her free

She told him

"Slap me silly to slap me sane,
Take a torch to memory lane
The street's air has never tasted so bitter,
Only your love can silence the sting.

And then your breath so sweet can fill my lungs,
restart my everything back to square one.
You could redefine my soul,
You'll never know."

She was only fourteen back then,
just a silly little girl waiting for a true friend
Her sweetheart could have been that guy,
If only he new then maybe he would have tried

But the years went on and everything was gone,
Fragment of a love that was supposed to be strong
ten years have passed and after all,
she broke from the fall(broke from the fall)

Two decades of memories slash at skin,
Twenty years of suffering so vivid, she
Tried covering her scars by rubbing them in sin
Hoping someone could set her free

She told them

"Sleep me silly to sleep me sane,
Take a torch to memory lane
The street's air has never tasted so bitter,
maybe your smoke can silence the sting.

For just a small price I can be what you want and more,
Perhaps it's not just money we'd be looking for.
You could redefine my soul,
You'll never know."

It was a cold December night,
Just a silly little girl trying to get a light
standing by her corner once more,
Sighing at every person who called her a whore

And then the breath of a young man caught her eye,
By her side was someone unlike the normal guy
When it was her name he did call,
In his arms she'd fall (His arms she'd fall)

To think that after all this time,
When she sold herself so much that she forgot her name
she'd meet her former lover with no reason nor rhyme,
And fell for him all the same

He's sobbing,

"Finding you tonight has slapped me sane,
Strolling me down memory lane
With just one look I could remember you,
I'm sorry I can't silence the sting

But I know despite all of the damage we've done,
we can get you to smile like when you were young.
Let's get you out of this cold,
we're going home."

She joins him,

"Your words so sweet have kissed me sane,
Took a torch to memory lane
The street's air has always tasted so bitter,
Your love can surely silence the sting.

And then your breath so sweet can fill my lungs,
restart my everything back to square one.
You can redefine my soul,
I'm glad you know."

Weighing My Options

For a few days, I've forgotten about my situation regarding the move. My tears dried, my depression blew over, and I was being productive.

Then I find dad home when I get home from hanging with Love, my 'Brother', his girlfriend and their friend. Love walks me inside and the four of us have a discussion, which is mainly my dad trying to convince me that I should move with them and leave everything behind.

Job- I could transfer to a different Wawa in PA, as they're full of them. (But minimum wage is less, so unless I go for a promotion as a shift manager, It'd take a long while before I make enough to do anything.)

Dream- I could still get my passport and fenagle out the details if and when I get my new adress, take a taxi to the airport and meet up with Sensei and the others going on the Japan trip.(If they can go to the mandatory parent meeting, which is unlikely.) I could just go to Tennessee and Michigan like I planned(and blow away all of my hard work for the one thing I wanted more than anything)

Love- I'm not going to give up on him, and could always move back with him later(then what would be the point of going in the first place?). We'd have a long distance relationship in the meantime(though there's already tension between us because of the idea of me moving. If I do leave, considering we've both had horrible experience with long distance, we probably won't last long.)

If I stay, I lose the luxuries I've had.Transportation wherever and whenever I need it, well-stocked kitchen that I have free range in, Laundry done for me, moral support from mother and not-so-much-but-close-enough from dad. I won't see them for months at a time.The closest family I have would be a minimum of an hour away(my sister in Somerset). I could go up to PA for holidays or vacations, but only if I have a way to get there. If I stay or if I go, I need to learn how to drive. I think I'd feel safer learning here, surprisingly.

Dad says I need to make decisions with my mind, not my heart. If I did that I would think of fairness- break ties with both my love and my parents and live on the streets until I find a place. My mind is frailer than my heart, as it gets burnt out when there is too much to think about and this sure as hell is too much for me to handle. I feel the depression kicking in again, making me bitter. But what I have decided on is, in order to move on with my life, I am going to need to make my own decisions without the influence of Love or my parents.

I am going to find my way on my own time. But I'm never going to be able to do that if I cling to dear mom and dad for support. I know it'll be difficult to then move into Love's house(which he technically doesn't have still) and have to deal with all of his stress and mine, but that's the point of being in a relationship, ne? Sharing all the hardships as well as the goodness in one's life. I'll learn how to drive. I'll get two jobs if need be, so that I can take all of the trips I want to this summer as well as hold my own. I'll pay for my own food, my own daughter's supplies(There's no way I'm leaving my kitten-daughter in another state without her mama), my own clothes. I'll sell whatever I can that I don't need to make situations a bit better, including my Doll collection, certain furniture, etc. I need to start being independant.

I've made my decision.

The worst kind of pain
is not what you experience head-on,
but what scrapes at you, indirect
hits aimed for someone else.

An arrow may hit a bullseye
after barely missing a tree.
The arrow is sadness.
It hits one person, then those connected
 feel the sting. Its target,
was it the tree or the bullseye?

The tree, barely hit,
was the target. The bullseye
the main sufferer, for it can't take
seeing friends weak.

It absorbs its own shock,
pain inflicted upon herself,
the universe srtiking down on her.
It cracks under suffering from
the people who mean the most,
who mean more to her than
her own self.

Chop her down, carve her out,
paint a single dot on her heart,
and hang her up on another tree.
She feels nothing until she's hit
By the pain meant for the tree
Behind her.

I wasn't gonna post this, but I feel risky.

Every time I come here to post of thoughts regarding you, I stop. I try and think of how to word them, I wonder why I even think them,if I'd want to tell these things to you let alone the world, and it all comes down to that being a waste of time. I delete the attempted post, most of the time left blank, and go back to reality.

Reality. The fact that I really don't feel anything for you but an acquaintanceship, as I do with just about everyone else who would consider me 'friend'. I have no friends, I have acquaintances with similar interests whose company I may enjoy and who I may talk to on occasion, but if they were to leave my life, I wouldn't mind. I probably wouldn't even notice unless they bluntly told me 'Hey, I'mma disappear from your life and I never wanna be friends, kthanksbai.' Sure there's Life Support and Love who break that mold, but only two people out of many. I digress.

I like talking to you. I miss hanging out on occasion, sometimes I think about out first unofficial date among others. More often than not I forget of these things, I'll go without thoughts of you for days. Songs with sentiment go unheard, pictures unseen, treasures untouched- not because I avoid them, but because I simply forget about them.

Yesterday, Reality and not-so-reality hit me when I met her. Silly to say, I was nervous. Not that you would have mentioned to her anything about me other than my name, not that there would be tension between us. I was never in this situation in real life. When Love and I were on our break and he found The Girl Who Will Go Unnamed, she added me as a friend on facebook knowing Love and my history. But as for actually meeting the new girlfriend of a former, it never happened before last night. Never even crossed my mind until I heard she would be there. I knew nothing of her but her name, still don't, really.

As soon as I got into the car, I was welcomed with a warm 'Hiiii~', and we actually hit it off. She's pretty, very easy to get along with, and I couldn't help but notice how the mood in the car was extremely light. The whole night went smoothly like that(despite me practically passing out during the movie =w='). I tried not to pay too much attention to the couple, in all honesty, but I could see a kind of chemistry between you and her. Even the way you two spoke showed how comfortable you were. Thinking of our own conversations, they were never as lively or natural, were they? I didn't pay much attention to facial expressions, or eyes. But from the last time I actually saw you face-to-face to last night, I knew you were happier.

As I feared, Hoped, and kinda knew, you found someone better for you than I could have ever hoped to be.

Personality as described by the Jung test:.

A few days ago, my friend asked me to take a personality test,which gave you a four letter personality and a description of said personality.The test- http://similarminds.com/jung.html

After I discovered my personality type of INFP, I was linked to a description of my type, and found it almost shocking how dead on it was. I shall post the description here. anything bold is what I believe is undoubtedly true. italicized indicates that it's somewhat true, and striked out shows that does not pertain to me at all.
(NOTE- For some reason it made most of the below text unreadable? Just highlight it to read it.

creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can't control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic

So as you can see, minus three things, all of these pertain to me, most of them being so true it's slightly sickening. in fact, anything bolded with 'can be' is usually 'is always'. It makes me realize how many flaws I really do have- not that I haven't noticed them before, I always knew I was one defected human being, yet I never really gave it much thought before this. 

This friend of mine, you know her as Faye, had both myself and Life Support take the test. Out of curiosity I had my love take the test as well, and oddly enough, those two both got the same thing- INTJ. Now I would go further into this and do the same thing I did for my description as I did theirs, but.. Actually, what the hell, I might as well. This is what I feel they are.

Starting with Love:

loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, not very altruistic(depends), not very complimentary, would rather be friendless than jobless, observer, values solitude, perfectionist, detached, private, not much fun, hidden, skeptical, does not tend to like most people, socially uncomfortable, not physically affectionate, unhappy, does not talk about feelings, hard to impress, analytical, likes esoteric things, tends to be pessimistic, not spontaneous, prone to discontentment, guarded, does not think they are weird but others do, responsible, can be insensitive or ambivalent to the misfortunes of others, orderly, clean, organized, familiar with darkside, tends not to value organized religion, suspicious of others, can be lonely, rarely shows anger, punctual, finisher, prepared

As I was going through this, I also thought about what I'd put for LS, and I realized that I really don't know what fits him or not, considering I haven't met him in real life nor have we had a decent conversation(not counting this month)  in what seems to be over a year, probably even longer. It makes me wonder how much I truly know about him.

I'm tempted to dwell more into the studies behind this test, and deeper into my personality.. maybe some other time.

Heartless Opinions:.

Maybe because I'm older. Maybe because I'm not yet a mother, or don't live in Connecticut. Maybe just because I hate seeing in on every damn newspaper, every facebook page, and every news channel.

But this whole hype about this shooting pisses me off.

Sure, it was alot of innocent people. But innocent people are killed every day, most we don't hear about. What makes these 24 any different from those unnamed? The amount of people killed? The fact that it happened at a school(also more common than you know)?  If you won't acknowledge all the lives lost in the world due to murder, why dedicate so much time for these people on a national and international broadcast?

Even more unbelievable, they're starting to play the 'blame game' on why the murderer, who is also dead, did what he did. So his mother(dead) taught him how to shoot a gun. So he has a disease. Who cares? They're dead. It happened. It will happen again someday whether we like it or not. No amount of blaming and releasing irrelevant/unnecessary facts will change that. No talk about whether or not to ban guns will change that.

You can't change anything by letting a world know about a murder. If anything you ignite more murderers. I'd get into this, but I'd rather not at the moment.

I know I'm not the only one with these opinions, yet I also know anyone who shares these opinions are looked at as heartless. Same with the incident that I loosely touched on back in my senior year- a freshman died from flipping out of his quad and hitting his head on a mailbox. He was drunk, and thus it was his own fault. I had no sympathy what-so-ever because he was underage drinking and it was his stupid mistake, which to me proves he wasn't smart enough to even deserve to live. After expressing this opinion I've been called a heartless bitch to my face by several people, most of which haven't spoken to me since.

Maybe I am heartless. I don't have sympathy for those who succumb to stupidity or, in the Connecticut Case,  being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But this is fate. As time goes on there will be more chaos, more murder, and we can't stop it. No gun laws will prevent it, no locking up potential criminals or making murders public announcements. It will happen.

So just let it happen and shut up about it.