But I did, just to see if the messages were still there. They were, and despite knowing how I'd get, I read them anyway.
It was obvious from our messages that we didn't truly love each other. Atleast, back then. I just wanted you, as you wanted me. But as a youngin, with my certain beliefs and the feeling that what I did online was just as real as real life, I took that as love. I took that as having to be faithful no matter what, because you were my 'first'. I didn't want to lose you because with my beliefs, my first would be my last, whether it was real life or online. You being even younger than me, though certainly not acting it, also confused lust for love.. or did you?
From the text, it seemed like you knew all too well that it was only lust. Your choice of words, etc. Even though you told me you loved me, that was just instinct- the only thing that could be said after everything.
We got older. We grew apart. I realized that even though my feelings for you were real(or atleast felt it), what we did wasn't. I found love again. My belief still stands, but not for you anymore, because I know the difference between real and fantasy.
If I met you, no matter how I felt or how I react(because I don't know what I'll do when the time comes, as I've never been in such a situation), I wouldn't let my feelings for you get in the way of what I have with 1. I am his, loyal to him no matter what. I love him more than I could ever hope to explain. I would hope that when we meet, you have fallen in love with a girl who is the same way towards you. A girl who loves you more than I do, who's better for you than I could even hope to be.
I hope to be able to say goodbye for the last time when I meet you, and be okay with it.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
More Like A Vee- Getting into Character & Meeting Caleb
Romance. Every person's life has some form of it, whether they like
it or not. Some are the object being loved, others with their eyes on
someone who would never be interested. Some are happily in a
relationship, others, not so much. I was never too fond of romance
myself, all of that Candy-and-Roses crap leaving a bitter taste in my
mouth. I'd rather be that crazy cat lady with 27 cats all named after
sports stars than be in a sappy, stupid, most-likely-one-sided love. One
sided, like my family tree. Sure having one parent doesn't bother me
much, and it sure doesn't bother my independent dad, but that's the
point. We were both happier when football and NASCAR were bigger
concerns than dating. Crushes are kinda normal for a teenager, usually
they're looked past with reason and forgotten the next day in my case. I
never let them turn into anything more, because there was no reason to.
I was an independent goddess of my own fate, did what I wanted without
worrying what I looked like or if I was pretty, sexy, etc. If our school
wasn't so small I'd be in honors classes. I've found and kept a job
since I was of age, had a motorcycle license, and had only college plans
on my mind. I was on a road to being my own man- er.. Woman- and I
thought that would never change.
And somehow, this Strong Independent Not-so-Black Woman Who Don't Need No Man got herself caught up in the most vexing Love Triangle. Though, it's not really a triangle, since the love interests have no connection to eachother. It's more like.. a V.
Or In my case, Vee. Vee Winters, 17 year old daughter of trucker Jim Winters from good ol' ___. For living in the same small town all my life and going to a K-12 school where there are only fifteen to twenty-five kids in each grade, I've only really found myself one good friend in Salem Kitt, whose been there for me since kindergarten. She's a sweetheart, always trying to help her friends with their problems and embracing her own. Quite the jokester when she knows you well enough, and trust me, she does. She's the perfect bestie, even if she's a bit boy-crazy and in-your-face. But enough of her for now(Sorry, Salem!). Let's go on to the thing we're both confused about- how Miss Independent found love not only once, but twice in the course of two years. I'd keep notes if I were you, even I have a hard time following.
Scene 1- Meeting Caleb
Senior year, about a month or so in, we get an addition to our small, almost-never-changing class. Of course everyone and their mother knew before he even enrolled, as that's what happens when practically everyone is your neighbor. Needless to say I didn't care. When everyone else welcomed him warmly and went to speak to him on his first day in homeroom and between classes, I rolled my eyes and kept hidden behind my binder. Apparently this, as well as an empty chair next to me, was a sign to bug me though.
"Is this seat taken, miss?"
I don't look up. "Can't you see the five hundred pound wrestler there? He's offended." The new kid's intrigued.
"Hm. Sarcastic, Reclusive, long brown hair, you must be Vee Winters."
"Full of himself, knows my name, and short. You must be single." Ouch. Anyone who can hear us is staring, whispering to each other about the drama unfolding. Of course, Salem's nowhere to be seen.{The one day she decides to cut class..} I can't help but smirk as I replay my comeback in my head, even though he really isn't that short. Around 5'8, give or take, an inch or so taller than me. Shaggy dirty-blonde hair, brown eyes, Salem would call him cute. I get back to reality and see he's sitting next to me, my poetry binder in his hands. My binder! I go to grab it, he pulls it away from me, still reading. I'm absolutely mortified. "Do you mind, kid?"
He smirks. "No, not at all. These are actually very well written. What I should expect from such a witty girl." Crap, I'm blushing. I look him over again as he flips the page, how intently he's looking at the words, reading each one carefully and mouthing the words to himself. I fold my arms impatiently and take time to glare at a group of kids looking our way, making them leave the room. They better not get any ideas.. He's probably the type who'd flirt with everyone. Or he's gay. Hm, I like the sound of that. I snicker to myself, only to get a light bap on the head with my binder. I glare up at him, and our eyes meet. It takes every ounce of self control to keep glaring as I swipe the binder back from him and put it in my messenger bag.
"Don't you have some other people to annoy, Caleb?"
He grins. "So you do know my name. I guess I can leave you alone for now, let you get back to writing the final stanza of 'Frozen Ones'. Talk to you later?"
I can't help but soften my expression at his comment, yet I keep my cool. "Don't count on it."
He walks over to a flock of girls, and as I look away, I catch myself smiling. This'll be one interesting year.
Author's Note- As I write more and more of this you'll notice that some things are going to be out of place time-wise. If and when I get enough down to tie it all together, I'll put it all in order. This character is really fun but difficult for me to write for. If you're entertained, I'm doing it right.
And somehow, this Strong Independent Not-so-Black Woman Who Don't Need No Man got herself caught up in the most vexing Love Triangle. Though, it's not really a triangle, since the love interests have no connection to eachother. It's more like.. a V.
Or In my case, Vee. Vee Winters, 17 year old daughter of trucker Jim Winters from good ol' ___. For living in the same small town all my life and going to a K-12 school where there are only fifteen to twenty-five kids in each grade, I've only really found myself one good friend in Salem Kitt, whose been there for me since kindergarten. She's a sweetheart, always trying to help her friends with their problems and embracing her own. Quite the jokester when she knows you well enough, and trust me, she does. She's the perfect bestie, even if she's a bit boy-crazy and in-your-face. But enough of her for now(Sorry, Salem!). Let's go on to the thing we're both confused about- how Miss Independent found love not only once, but twice in the course of two years. I'd keep notes if I were you, even I have a hard time following.
Scene 1- Meeting Caleb
Senior year, about a month or so in, we get an addition to our small, almost-never-changing class. Of course everyone and their mother knew before he even enrolled, as that's what happens when practically everyone is your neighbor. Needless to say I didn't care. When everyone else welcomed him warmly and went to speak to him on his first day in homeroom and between classes, I rolled my eyes and kept hidden behind my binder. Apparently this, as well as an empty chair next to me, was a sign to bug me though.
"Is this seat taken, miss?"
I don't look up. "Can't you see the five hundred pound wrestler there? He's offended." The new kid's intrigued.
"Hm. Sarcastic, Reclusive, long brown hair, you must be Vee Winters."
"Full of himself, knows my name, and short. You must be single." Ouch. Anyone who can hear us is staring, whispering to each other about the drama unfolding. Of course, Salem's nowhere to be seen.{The one day she decides to cut class..} I can't help but smirk as I replay my comeback in my head, even though he really isn't that short. Around 5'8, give or take, an inch or so taller than me. Shaggy dirty-blonde hair, brown eyes, Salem would call him cute. I get back to reality and see he's sitting next to me, my poetry binder in his hands. My binder! I go to grab it, he pulls it away from me, still reading. I'm absolutely mortified. "Do you mind, kid?"
He smirks. "No, not at all. These are actually very well written. What I should expect from such a witty girl." Crap, I'm blushing. I look him over again as he flips the page, how intently he's looking at the words, reading each one carefully and mouthing the words to himself. I fold my arms impatiently and take time to glare at a group of kids looking our way, making them leave the room. They better not get any ideas.. He's probably the type who'd flirt with everyone. Or he's gay. Hm, I like the sound of that. I snicker to myself, only to get a light bap on the head with my binder. I glare up at him, and our eyes meet. It takes every ounce of self control to keep glaring as I swipe the binder back from him and put it in my messenger bag.
"Don't you have some other people to annoy, Caleb?"
He grins. "So you do know my name. I guess I can leave you alone for now, let you get back to writing the final stanza of 'Frozen Ones'. Talk to you later?"
I can't help but soften my expression at his comment, yet I keep my cool. "Don't count on it."
He walks over to a flock of girls, and as I look away, I catch myself smiling. This'll be one interesting year.
Author's Note- As I write more and more of this you'll notice that some things are going to be out of place time-wise. If and when I get enough down to tie it all together, I'll put it all in order. This character is really fun but difficult for me to write for. If you're entertained, I'm doing it right.
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