And then I realized

I'll never be able to stop loving you.

I'll always miss our friendship, our roleplays. Our cute little banter, whether it was ShiruKina or ourselves.

Looking back at those moments,reliving them, I feel just as happy as I did when they first happened.

Laughed and smiled at you cute little sayings, held tears back when you told me how much I mean to you.

I don't miss the times when we would cyber.. I just miss those emotions that went with it.

I miss your love.

I miss the emotions of a true friend never wanting to let another true friend go, no matter what. A friend trying to comfort another, reassure them that they will always be friends.

I would take back my words, take back the cybering, the phone sex, I would take back anything like that and I would even take back cursing you off, just

so we could be friends again. Just so we could love eachother like friends should.

The Mistake

People ask me if I have regrets and mistakes I would change.

Most of the time, on their end, your name comes up. But, You are not a regret of mine.

'We' are a regret of mine, just as 'we' were a mistake, not you. I could never regret meeting you, being your friend, even falling in love with you.

But I regret how we spent our time together, how we took it farther than we should have and it ended up killing our friendship. We never should have been together, no matter how much I loved you, no matter how much you loved me. Because love can only be set in stone if both people want it to be, and it's kind of hard if you can't meet eachother.

I regret that we didn't talk things over, I regret that we didn't sit down and talk on the phone about our problems like adults. I regret that we couldn't fix things after the mistake of letting it go too far.

But, I don't regret you.

To Miss You

Is like disobeying my mind. To forget about you would be disobeying my heart.

Mind: The kid hurt you in so many ways, give up on him for good already! He's too much of a fucking prick to waste your friendship on.

Heart: I physically can't. I love him to the point of, if he ever ended up in the hospital and I knew, taking my Japan fund and using it so I can be there for him.

Mind: Be practical, hun. Visiting someone who really doesn't care about you and let your friendship die, or living your dream of going to Japan.

Heart: The friendship isn't dead, it can't be. We went through too much to just let it end.

Mind: He already ended it.

Heart: He saved my life. As far as I'm concerned, without him, I wouldn't even be alive to go to Japan.

Mind: All the more reason to go and forget about him.

Heart: I CAN'T. I physically can't.. I love him too much..

Mind: Enough to tell him all the stress you have bottled up reguarding everything that happened between you two?

Heart: ....

Mind: I thought so. Just let him go. You love someone else, you're fine without his friendship. It's over.

Heart: But to deny him would be denying the reason I'm still breathing. His friendship SAVED my life. I don't care that he's a bastard, I don't care that he's changed, I don't even care that I'll never meet him. I would give anything for his friendship again.

Mind: Fine, fine. But so help me god if you ever want to get back with him..

Heart: No way in Hello!Project! I'm with 1, and it was a mistake to leave 1 in the first place. Because I left 1, my friendship with 2 turned into something unbearable, something that killed 2 and my friendship.

Mind: Good. Ya know, you should talk to him. Call him up, make sure he picks up, and tell him you need to speak to him. You both still need closure and even if it's the last time you talk, you'll atleast have gotten everything off your chest.

Heart: You're right.. I'll try.