She runs into my arms, buries her face into my shirt. Her sobs crash into me like a wave breaking over the jetty. My dearest daughter is crumbling, and I'm nearly cracked as well, as a person who is glad that their child is sobbing on their chest cannot be whole. Calden, her good tutor, should have lived through such an accidental stab, yet it was the monster in me who rose my arm to strike twice. He was after my Ever, and I could not have that.. Any guilt that I had felt was swept with the tide as I held her close, stroking her hair and feeling her sobs weaken. "Shh, my child..All will be well. He would not wish to see you so upset." I lift a hand to gently wipe away her tears and make her eyes meet mine. Such beautiful emerald orbs hold all of the love in the world, and yet I feel anger boil inside me because I know that this love was not meant for me, and never would be. She was not my wife, and it was completely wrong for me to even think that somehow those eyes would look at me with that love, that desire, just like Novalei's all those years ago. Even so, those eyes are still breathtaking and tempt me to believe otherwise.
She turns her head away in shame, and I cannot help but smile, stroking her hair. "Why did this happen, my king?" I could sense my need intensify at the sound of her silky but disheartened voice, yet controlled myself. {You cannot give in. You cannot hurt her any more than you did. You killed her lo...} I couldn't even think the word without shades of green prickling my skin. He was not worthy of her love. Only I am, and she should only be loved by me. By me..
I choke down those thoughts and try to conjure up an answer for her. "Perhaps.." I have to think, and use this time to smooth out her soft locks, almost shuddering from pleasure as she innocently rests her head in the crook of my neck."His love was not strong enough to fight the clutches of Death. Such a tragedy, really it is, my dearest Ever." I kiss her forehead, she looks up at me. Those damn tears flow down her face, making her look absolutely irresistible. Still fighting my inner demons, I kiss the tears away, letting the sweet salt linger on my lips. I want more. Need more. My demons are winning, and I'm so tempted to give in. Then, as a slap to get out of it and to stop her tears, I add, "It was obvious he loved you very much, and whomever the murderer might be shall not go unpunished. Will that please you?"
She merely nods, avoiding my eyes again. She sighs, finally stopping her tears, letting only her beating heart make a sound in this room. The bed is silent, the walls are silent, we are silent. In my mind two different voices yell at me. {God, she's too perfect, too ripe, and all yours. Take a deep bite.. So what if you are a king, a father, a husband?} Fighting back are these thoughts- {She is only alive thanks to your departed Novalei. It would break her heart, and damage your Everlasting if you do so much as touch her.} {Even the Everlasting start to crumble..} If her current state failed to show that, I don't know what would have. I bite my lip, and draw blood when those helpless, innocent eyes look back at me. She notices my wincing, and lifts her face to mine.
"My king, are you alright?"
I can't control myself any longer, and at that moment I place a firm but soft hand on her cheek, close in on those beautiful lips, and kiss her. Softly, only lasting a few short seconds. The devil in me wanted more, the father in me backed away to meet those emerald stones with my own, seeing well deserved confusion and fear. She chokes out a single word in a course whisper- "Father..?" Her voice sends me off the edge and I plummet deeper into those lips, still soft. Loving. Gentile. She does not blink, does not move, does not dare kiss back or pull away. I let my hands start to wander, push her down on the bed while my lips still keep their softness. Still no reaction, and that frustrates me. My kisses get rougher,and not even a whimper is extracted from her throat, those eyes emotionless and looking past me, through me. Unconsciously I start to sob, pin her down to the point of almost snapping those frail little wrists, begging for some kind of reaction. I let my lips part from hers.
"Please, child, react! Say anything, curse my name, tell me something! Move as if you were alive, not some sort of puppet!" My words are full sobs now, and I bury my face into her neck, letting the tears stain her light blue dress. Never have I felt so week, vulnerable. Never have I felt so heavy underneath a crown, to the point of sinking to the lowest pit of hell and bringing my Everlasting Love, my daughter, down with me. "Please.. Speak, Ever.."
Her voice is barely audible at first, yet grows stronger. "I'm.. afraid, my king. Not just for myself, b-but.." Tears threaten her eyes, yet stay away. "I'm terrified for you. This isn't the father I know.. the king I've come to respect. It scares me, sir." Her trembling voice is a match to her body, and atthe last word I feel the worst stab of guilt. I am not that King anymore, the fatherly King Miles who had taken care of both a child and a kingdom for fifteen years. No, I am someone different. Demonic. Crazy for the affection of the one person who I was bound to protect, the one person who the Almighty would strike me down for harming. Insane because, while the old ghost still begs me to let her be, I stick my middle finger to the Lord and don't fight off my desire.
I have to speak. "I know, my dearest daughter, and I cannot describe how sorry I feel." My bruised lip trembles. "Yet your silence, your lack of reaction, is not making this any easier!" Anger surges through me, enough to extract a yelp from her. I cringe and smile almost exactly the same time, bringing fear to her eyes. "That's right, my child.. My love.." I start to sob again, uncontrollably. "Whimper. Scream. Curse me off, fight back, hell, even enjoy it if you so wish! I don't care what or how you react by, but please, PLEASE, let me have this one night. And please don't be an unreadable stone.." I cannot look her in the eyes, I'm so ashamed, broken. This state lasts for close to five minutes when, ever so softly, my angel speaks.
"Miles.." The fear in her voice is overwhelming, and I cannot help but to look up at her. With the saddest smile she could muster, she lifts her face, closer, and as she kisses me a stray tear falls from her eye. With that one tear all of my reluctance, my doubts, and any possible pity was washed away, and a smile stains my face. Her kisses are sweet, soft. She accepts my tongue, my touch, my love, and I feel like more of a King than I have ever been. I am a man that had stole the crown from the former Miles.
How long I have been this new man is uncertain, but one thing I know for sure is the old Miles is
never coming back.
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