It's a simple gloomy day, in every sense of the word. My spirits are low, the rain and darkness outside my window is terribly saddening, and though I have my furry orange sister Luvbug cuddled on the bed to keep me company, I feel alone.
When I'm in this state, what do I do?Oh, you know, just look through old posts on here, facebook and Deviantart- some I've written, some from others, comments, etc. It's always the same outcome- blaming myself for past problems, wishing there was a way to go back and fix them.
Then I laugh when I realize how many of my posts involved missing my formers, and other complaints about love. Or rather, I laugh bitterly, then sigh when some of those posts still apply. To simply miss being cared about and loved by my formers is a feeling I know all too well.
I know that most people's reactions would be "You're with someone, it's bad that you miss the others. Suck it up and get over it."
But as said in previous posts, my heart is to big and mind to sentimental to simply forget that I love them. Do I love them more or less than my current? No, I believe I love all three at the same level. Yet society doesn't accept that. And I think 2 would have rather handcuffed us together than share me with someone else. =w=' He always got so jealous, even though he knew I was faithful.
I wonder, does it mean I'm not faithful for having feelings for others on top of feelings for my current? I don't believe that is so, because I wouldn't leave him for anyone nor would I want to hurt him in any way. When I go to hang out with a guy I ask him first, and I dismiss any kinds of flirtation. I simply just have longing to repeat some memories, sometimes dream of my exes(though nothing sexual, hell, I don't even think I've kissed someone in a dream let alone that. At least nothing since 1 and I got back together.If anything mild flirting or cuddling. Most of the time it's just them just being there and not having anything really to do with the dream).
They say that, in a dream, if you dream of someone that person misses you. It sounds strange, but I've been wondering if it is true. And if it is, whose dreams have I popped into?
There's nothing wrong with missing/loving exes and others. At least, I don't think there is. Then again, I'm pro-polyamory, so maybe I'm not the best one to ask. Still, stupid as I feel about saying it given... past events, I still hold feelings for all my exes, and even some that never evolved past "crush."
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