Corrupting Him

At first, I would jokingly say that I corrupted 2 when we were younger, because of my sadistic roleplays and obsession with Orochimaru. In '08- I believe he was only twelve then- we had our first erotic roleplays. Reading them for the hell of it, I almost laughed at how innocent the both of us were and how we really didn't know what the hell we were writing, on top of both being illiterate. But, he was fricken 12. Realizing this, I actually feel guilty. Sure I was only like, 13-14 then myself, but realizing what had happened later, not only with me but other people on the site.. Well, I feel like I partially corrupted him to being so into that stuff, and even worse, good at it as time passed by.

I stumbled upon a series of PMs a while back on that site. It was a year later, a week or so after I broke it off with one.. Knowing all to well the bad memories it would stir up, I clicked on each one and read them. I almost cried, and guiltily, got turned on again by it. I honestly see that day, those messages, as my first time. And his first time.. I hope. God, that thought pains me so. He had a thing with this other girl whose name is a curse to me now(which kinda saddens me because there's 2 H!P idols with her name, but I digress.), and all of the people on her site were essentially perverted, and apparently they had a chatbox wedding(which I burst out laughing when he told me). So it makes me wonder if he ever did.. I never asked him, hell no. It would make things even worse between us.

I know it's stupid, saying my first time was through private messages with a boy I'd never meet in my lifetime and getting all worked up over it. But the feeling was real, pure. I wanted him then, so damn bad. We did a lot together after that day.. Almost like our relationship depended on it. Probably the reason why we drifted so far apart.

I wonder, if I never roleplayed those erotic Orochimaru x OC with him, would he have been that perverted so early? Would we have even done anything later, or become more than friends? It's hard to say. I guess in a way he still would have been corrupted at some point. Yet I am partially to blame for such an early corruption. Perhaps.. he partially corrupted me as well.

The worst part? I want to talk to him about all of this right now. I knew this would happen if I read back, but did I listen to my gut? No. So now,I just have to go to bed with these thoughts taunting me, wishing I could have a counseling session with my corrupted former love.