Busy.

School.
Work.
Homework.
Food.
Dubbing.
Pass Out.
Repeat.

This has been the last two weeks, for the most part. On days that I don't work, I do extra homework and dubbing. On days that I work 4-8 or 3-8, I end up passing out as soon as I get home. I haven't had a full day off yet(but come next Saturday I might), which will probably still consist of some kind of project, dubbing/audio mixing, and either talking to or hanging out with my boyfriend.

It's strange, but I kind of like that I don't see him as much as a typical boyfriend and girlfriend would. It makes things more personal, ya know? Sure, I miss him, especially if I don't see him for weeks at a time. But it just makes me even happier to see him, to hug him, and to know we both were waiting for that day to come. Then we just chill out, talk, laugh, other stuff, and know that the next time we see eachother will be just as amazing as the last even though it won't be for a few weeks.

The bad side is it's been giving me time to think, too. And you know what thinking means. Doubts. Questioning myself, my past. Strangely, but perhaps a good sign, I haven't questioned him or anything about him yet. The doubts are simple, the ones that I had with all three relationships.

"I'm a horrible girlfriend. Too protective, too annoying, too paranoid, and selfish.."

"It will end before you know it."

"He could do much better than me."

Only this time, I never question him. Not once when he said or IM'd me 'I love you' did I think {Do you really?}

I asked that question, if only in my head, to the other two several times.

I was thinking now that, if it were any of the other two to ask me back, even though I would want to(Especially my most recent ex), I would have said no. Because I'm not good enough for them. They can do much better, and it isn't hard to find. They just have to stop looking, and they'll find her. Someone that is not like me in the least, someone better. Someone who can offer them the same love that they recieve.

I wonder. If you got a new girl, would I cry? Be jealous like when I found out 1 was dating someone else while I was with 2? Or will it be similar to my reaction when I found out 2 was dating someone else while I was with you? When I found out, I wasn't sad in the least. Not jealous. Nothing. I was genuinely happy for him because I was genuinely happy with how things were for me. For you and me.

I only hope that, if ever you find your Fairytale girl, that I may be genuinely happy for you. And be able to listen to 'Dare I Say' as just a song, with no meaning to connect to it.To you.