I knew I shouldn't have looked back.

But I did, just to see if the messages were still there. They were, and despite knowing how I'd get, I read them anyway.

It was obvious from our messages that we didn't truly love each other. Atleast, back then. I just wanted you, as you wanted me. But as a youngin, with my certain beliefs and the feeling that what I did online was just as real as real life, I took that as love. I took that as having to be faithful no matter what, because you were my 'first'. I didn't want to lose you because with my beliefs, my first would be my last, whether it was real life or online. You being even younger than me, though certainly not acting it, also confused lust for love.. or did you?

From the text, it seemed like you knew all too well that it was only lust. Your choice of words, etc. Even though you told me you loved me, that was just instinct- the only thing that could be said after everything.

We got older. We grew apart. I realized that even though my feelings for you were real(or atleast felt it), what we did wasn't. I found love again. My belief still stands, but not for you anymore, because I know the difference between real and fantasy.

If I met you, no matter how I felt or how I react(because I don't know what I'll do when the time comes, as I've never been in such a situation), I wouldn't let my feelings for you get in the way of what I have with 1. I am his, loyal to him no matter what. I love him more than I could ever hope to explain. I would hope that when we meet, you have fallen in love with a girl who is the same way towards you. A girl who loves you more than I do, who's better for you than I could even hope to be.

I hope to be able to say goodbye for the last time when I meet you, and be okay with it.