Weighing My Options

For a few days, I've forgotten about my situation regarding the move. My tears dried, my depression blew over, and I was being productive.

Then I find dad home when I get home from hanging with Love, my 'Brother', his girlfriend and their friend. Love walks me inside and the four of us have a discussion, which is mainly my dad trying to convince me that I should move with them and leave everything behind.

Job- I could transfer to a different Wawa in PA, as they're full of them. (But minimum wage is less, so unless I go for a promotion as a shift manager, It'd take a long while before I make enough to do anything.)

Dream- I could still get my passport and fenagle out the details if and when I get my new adress, take a taxi to the airport and meet up with Sensei and the others going on the Japan trip.(If they can go to the mandatory parent meeting, which is unlikely.) I could just go to Tennessee and Michigan like I planned(and blow away all of my hard work for the one thing I wanted more than anything)

Love- I'm not going to give up on him, and could always move back with him later(then what would be the point of going in the first place?). We'd have a long distance relationship in the meantime(though there's already tension between us because of the idea of me moving. If I do leave, considering we've both had horrible experience with long distance, we probably won't last long.)

If I stay, I lose the luxuries I've had.Transportation wherever and whenever I need it, well-stocked kitchen that I have free range in, Laundry done for me, moral support from mother and not-so-much-but-close-enough from dad. I won't see them for months at a time.The closest family I have would be a minimum of an hour away(my sister in Somerset). I could go up to PA for holidays or vacations, but only if I have a way to get there. If I stay or if I go, I need to learn how to drive. I think I'd feel safer learning here, surprisingly.

Dad says I need to make decisions with my mind, not my heart. If I did that I would think of fairness- break ties with both my love and my parents and live on the streets until I find a place. My mind is frailer than my heart, as it gets burnt out when there is too much to think about and this sure as hell is too much for me to handle. I feel the depression kicking in again, making me bitter. But what I have decided on is, in order to move on with my life, I am going to need to make my own decisions without the influence of Love or my parents.

I am going to find my way on my own time. But I'm never going to be able to do that if I cling to dear mom and dad for support. I know it'll be difficult to then move into Love's house(which he technically doesn't have still) and have to deal with all of his stress and mine, but that's the point of being in a relationship, ne? Sharing all the hardships as well as the goodness in one's life. I'll learn how to drive. I'll get two jobs if need be, so that I can take all of the trips I want to this summer as well as hold my own. I'll pay for my own food, my own daughter's supplies(There's no way I'm leaving my kitten-daughter in another state without her mama), my own clothes. I'll sell whatever I can that I don't need to make situations a bit better, including my Doll collection, certain furniture, etc. I need to start being independant.

I've made my decision.